Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
