Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
