This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
