I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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