If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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