One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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