i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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