My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
