I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Randomize
