our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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