Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
