allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
