Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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