i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I think people are normalizing furries
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
