i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Randomize
