just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
