Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
