you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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