So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
My ATM looks so different sober.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
