and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
