Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
