omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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