Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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