he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
