just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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