Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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