I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
