I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
