took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Randomize
