You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
