whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
