Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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