Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
