I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
