It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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