This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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