Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
