Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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