No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
