I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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