Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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