She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
