This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I can't put those talents on a resume
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
that is very illegal...i love you.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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