So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
