I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
