is your mom at the bar?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
