i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I believe in your delicious
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
