yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
