i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
