3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
