If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
