my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize