can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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