Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
