So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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