Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
