Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
