i love accidental penises.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
