Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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