Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
