he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
