i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
