What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
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