That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
