she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
