Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Hippo gnu deer
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
