Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
