I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
