The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
