Kiss
Puke
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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