i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
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