i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
The Olympian is in my bed
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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