I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
