we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Found your dick twin last night
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize