Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
