So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
