she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
