How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
