Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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