I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
