He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Randomize
