I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
