But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
