I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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