I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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