We named our party play list daddy issues
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize