It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize