just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
