im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
