No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
