Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
