so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
This is the high leading the old right now
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
