RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
