the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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