In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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