In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
