I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize