Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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