remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
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