Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
