Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
