Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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