Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
