I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
