just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
