So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
My ATM looks so different sober.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
