Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
