I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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