I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
