We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Just high enough for therapy.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize