I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
